Bleeding.

  The bleeding started a few days ago.  I wasn't sure if it was normal, but everyone around me said that it was-probably nothing-nothing to worry about-nothing to cause concern.  But now, it is heavy and I am experiencing pain.  I called the emergency line at my doctors today.  I spoke with my OBGYN Dr. Beck.  I was so worried, but she assured me that I should not worry and to come into the office on Monday for a checkup.  I only hope that I did not go through all of this for nothing....only to be stuck in the same position all over again. 
  Kore Press has yet again dismissed me as a writer.  I am so sick of submitting my work to them and paying them to read it, only to be told that I am not good enough.  It's heartbreaking.  I try to learn from their rejection, but it still stings.  I only hope that good things are coming around the corner.  On a positive note, my diploma for my MA in English arrived today.  Now, I have all of my degrees that I wanted accept for my PhD-one day in the future it will be mine and I will study Gothic Literature and become published in journals and have a door that says Dr. Jay.  One day. 
  But, maybe there are other plans in my horizon.  Things that I do not know about or could ever dream of-things that I needed but didn't have....things that have alluded me but suddenly arise to the occasion.  That's the thing about life.  You never know.  You just have to keep on trying and being persistent, even when everyone tells you that you are wrong.  Not many people can do this....hold on to a sinking ship....when the water is rising and you can see the last gulp of air from your lungs...there is a desperation that occurs but then you realize everything is going to be alright.  You see that small pocket of air above your head and you take a gulp before everything turns black.  It's not much, but it gives you the will to live on borrowed time.  You swim to the top of the lake and crawl to the shore, mud in your hair and between your fingers and look up at the dark night just before Jason Voorhees knocks off your head with his machete.